


a slow buildup of something she couldn't quite name

by TheGodWith5Yen



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Crush, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Pining, References to Depression, rachel and gar have some sick fangs bc i think its cool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 21:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGodWith5Yen/pseuds/TheGodWith5Yen
Summary: Garfield laughed and leaned in close to the table with a smile that looked content, but tinged with a hint of sadness that Rachel could see even without using a degree of her powers. “That was such a long time ago. Wow.” Rachel looked closer at the picture- Rachel was frowning as Gar slung his arm around her shoulder, his mouth open as he spoke. His hair was cut short, unlike his long curls that could be swept up in a small ponytail now, and Rachel’s face much more round. “You look like a baby.”Rachel rolled her eyes. “We were fourteen.”“Hmm, thirteen.” Garfield corrected.





	a slow buildup of something she couldn't quite name

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I've loved this pairing since I was a kid watching Teen Titans on Cartoon Network, but this is my first time writing for them. I'm actually kind of nervous because I'm unsure if I portrayed them correctly?? Just give this a chance and tell me what you think, please. 
> 
> This is set in whatever the hell timeline and Rachel and Gar are about 17/18 idk

Rachel didn’t really understand how to be  _ normal _ . She wanted to be- to be like the girls she saw walking down the streets down below on the street, the girls she helped save in the middle of battles who gave her looks of slight fear even when they had to know she was a hero, like the girls she saw on the television or read in the cheesy books that Dick left lying around the large apartment they used as their base of operations. Also where Rachel stayed full time, along with Vic and Gar.

She settled onto the sofa, her cloak over her head even as she watched the screen playing some movie Garfield had stuck into the DVD player not too long ago. Rachel glanced over to Gar, who was laying sprawled out one cushion over from her, his eyes glazed over. He wasn’t paying attention- Rachel knew that much. She frowned at him, but let herself glance back at the screen. 

“Do you ever get tired?” Garfield said, his voice seeming loud compared to the silence that had been between them only seconds before. Rachel glanced over at him, watching as he straightened up slightly, a frown pulling down his lips, his eyes unreadable. Rachel could sense a mix of emotions rolling about inside of him- anger, hurt, despair. It filled her up with a sense of dread- she hated to see Gar feeling anything like this. She was so used to his sunny disposition- though, she knew it was mostly a mask to keep Dick and Kory happy. He had to know Rachel knew though- maybe that’s why he allowed himself to be so sullen around him. 

Rachel pursed her lips and decided to answer truthfully, “Yes. I’m always tired. I read that it’s a symptom of depression.” It wasn’t very surprising that that was what she had wrong with her, but she didn’t like admitting it aloud. But- Garfield was different. He always had been. 

Garfield let out a laugh that ripped at Rachel’s soul- it was self-deprecating and damaged and wretched. “That sounds about right,” was all he said before he curled into himself and began to shrink and morph until he was a small green cat. Rachel watched as he moved closer to her and she smiled at him as he settled on her lap, watching this movie with her as she moved her hand through his soft fur.

Nothing about him was normal either. He was bright green. He had large fangs and slitted eyes- Gar liked like an animal even when he tried his best to be himself. She understood that pain. Rachel closed her eyes and said, in a whisper, “It helps being around you.” Garfield didn’t say a thing, but Rachel could practically feel as he mulled over her words. 

 

Her reflection moved with her- her hand brushed her cheek, her nose flared, her eyebrows shifted up, her lips pulled into a tight smile that felt genuine even to herself. The long fangs she tried her best to keep hidden poked out of her mouth and stabbed lightly at her lip. She frowned at her reflection. 

There was so much she hated about herself- the pale gray tone of her skin, the fucking demon fangs that tried their best to jut out of her mouth at every possible moment, the crystal on her forehead that glinted as bright as her father's eyes. Rachel’s fingers tugged at her bangs- she had tried to cut them herself and had ended up with a mangled  _ mess _ that had Koriand’r frowning and insisting she could help fix it if Rachel wanted. Rachel had thought it over at the time- Kory  _ was _ a hairdresser outside of being a Titan- but had refused seeing as the only possible solution would have to be shaving her head and Rachel already felt like a freak enough as it was.

A knock on her door startled her more than it should have, but her voice was calm and smooth as she called out, “come in.” Garfield stepped into the room, his hands deep in his sweatshirt, a smile playing on his lips. 

“Hey Rae.” He leaned against the wall next to the door, his eyes wandering around the room- flittering from the bookshelf to the endless amount of hats and scarves hung up on the wall to the fairy lights that lined her whole room. “Huh. I’ve never actually been in here when you weren’t doing your voodoo magic candle stuff.”

Rachel snorted, “Meditation?”

“Yeah, voodoo.” Garfield waved a lazy hand and grinned at Rachel, cheeky and silly. “Want to go get some milkshakes? There’s apparently this pretty cool place that’s all superhero themed. I’ve seen pictures online, it looks pretty fun.” The edge of his smile was desperate and wanting. Rachel pursed her lips and nodded. Garfield grinned and gave a little dance, “Awesome! I’ll just step out so you can change!”

It took a few minutes for Rachel to shove on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved dark blue shirt- the sleeves were wide and billowed similarly to the cape she regularly wore. She felt safe wearing it, more comfortable, a little more in her skin than if she wore something else. Rachel shoved on her boots and strolled out into the hall, where Garfield was waiting, idly scrolling through his phone. “Nice shirt,” He smiled he fell in step with her. 

“Thanks.” Rachel smiled back down at him. 

They walked silently through the streets, ignoring the looks and attention they received from passersby. Despite the attention, nobody tried to stop them- thank the stars. When they reached the diner Garfield opened the door for her and made a dramatic sweeping gesture and a bow that had Rachel covering her mouth to stifle the chuckle escaping her. The hostess, a pretty young woman with large curly blonde hair wearing a Supergirl costume, smiled at them warmly and showed to a small booth. The table was glass- inside of it was a modge podge of newspapers and pictures of the Justice League and Teen Titans and Green Lanterns. Rachel spotted a picture of herself and Garfield and pointed it out to him with a roll of her eyes.

Garfield laughed and leaned in close to the table with a smile that looked content, but tinged with a hint of sadness that Rachel could see even without using a degree of her powers. “That was such a long time ago. Wow.” Rachel looked closer at the picture- Rachel was frowning as Gar slung his arm around her shoulder, his mouth open as he spoke. His hair was cut short, unlike his long curls that could be swept up in a small ponytail now, and Rachel’s face much more round. “You look like a baby.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “We were fourteen.”

“Hmm, thirteen.” Garfield corrected. He was interrupted from saying anything further when their waiter- a skinny teenage boy about a year younger than them wearing a Superman t-shirt- walked up and took their drink order- Gar quickly asked for two vanilla milkshakes and if he could get a side of fries. The waiter grinned and nodded his head. “Whoa, that guy was totally checking you out.”

Rachel pursed her lips and discreetly glanced back at where the waiter was walking away, turning back to look at her and Garfield one last time before he walked into the kitchen. “Could be trying to figure out if we’re the real deal or just really good cosplayers.” 

Garfield laughed and shook his head. “C’mon Rae, you’re really pretty. Why wouldn’t he be checking you it?” He leaned close to the table conspicuously, his thick eyebrows raised up, a teasing smile on his lips that had his long canine teeth scraping at his bottom lip. Rachel watched the movement.

“Maybe he’s checking you out,” she found herself saying. She immediately wanted to curl into herself, but instead she looked down at her hands and played with a packet of of sugar. When Garfield snorted, Rachel frowned at her hands. “You’re pretty too.”

“Um. Thanks.” 

A few minutes later, the waiter came back with the milkshakes and a basket a fries. Rachel quietly thanked him as she moved to take a fry and scoop it into her milkshake. Her and Garfield sat in relative silence as they ate and sipped at their milkshake. Music played overhead- pop music that Garfield swayed his shoulders to. A song played that made Gar grin widely and openly sing along, causing Rachel to laugh and grin into her hand as she watched him sing. They gained some attention by it, and Rachel was even sure that someone had pulled out their phone, but Garfield didn’t mind, putting on a show for them- but only looking at Rachel as he sang. 

“Nice.” Rachel smiled into her sleeve. 

Garfield simply grinned and shrugged his shoulders and he snatched a handful of fries himself. A lock of his hair curled around his chin. Rachel felt a longing to reach over and push it back, to feel the small amount of stubble on his chin, to get a fraction of the emotions he was feeling, to  _ know _ . Because she  _ thought _ , but she was never certain. Too afraid, too…

“Are you tired?” Garfield asked with a tilt of his head. 

Rachel watched as his hands fiddled with his cup before she answered, “No.”

Gar only hummed in response before he flagged down the waiter to ask for the check and quickly paid for the milkshake and fries despite Rachel insisting she could help pay. They walked out, Garfield giving the hostess up front a smile and a wave, when Garfield grabbed Rachel’s arm. 

“Let’s not go back home yet.” He rasped out. Rachel felt a slight desperation, the most prevalent and shocking from his mixed emotions, from his touch. She couldn’t help herself as she nodded and followed him, away from the tower, away from the others. She walked by his side, Garfield’s hand holding a part of her wide sleeve as he helped guide her towards wherever he wanted to bring her. They settled in front of a bench, overlooking the ocean. 

The waves crashed against rocks and sand, peaceful sounds that made Rachel feel as grounded as if she was sitting in her room, meditating and not thinking of anything or anyone. Rachel stepped close to the ledge, leaning against the railing. A part of her told her she should be scared, but her rational part knew she could fly or transport away or even Gar could catch her. Garfield settled next to her. 

“It’s easier, being  _ myself _ around you.” Gar whisper could barely be heard over the loud water, but Rachel strained her ears and  _ listened _ . “I don’t know if I feel normal or okay or happier, but it’s  _ easy _ . You don’t care if I’m mad or depressed or- not the Gar that Dick and Kory expect. Wait, that’s- you  _ do  _ care, but you allow for these feelings to be and to change and grow into something new.”

Rachel turned to look at him, his green skin, his canine teeth that made Rachel smile whenever they jutted out of his mouth, his eyebrows that were scrunched up in his thoughtful expression. She reached out and flicked at the little hoop earring he wore. “Why do you behave that way? Why put up a front?”

Garfield shrugged his shoulders. “It’s easy being the dumb fun guy. Why don’t you?” He turned his face to watch her own expression. Rachel wasn’t sure if she was as still faced as usual, or if this moment, this connection, caused her to show the emotions she tried so hard to hide. 

Rachel opened her mouth but took a few seconds to find her voice. “It  _ hurts _ . I feel something constantly. But, I’m scared, if I show more, feel more, that Trigon will…” she trailed off, but Garfield nodded in understanding. “If you had the chance to be anyone else in the world, would you take it?”

“No.” The response was automatic, it surprised Rachel. When she sent Gar a questioning look, he smiled and said, “Then I would have never met you. And you’re- everything.”

Rachel’s heart beat felt much to fast as she made eye contact with him. She felt her face heat up as she looked away and said, “I don’t know. In the infinite ends of every possible life, of every possible universe, I feel like we would meet somehow, someway. It would be a shame if we didn’t. I don’t know how any version of Rachel could live without getting to see your smile. Each and every one of them.” She didn’t turn to see it, but she could practically feel Garfield grinning at her. 

With a slight hesitation, Rachel set her hand down on the wooden railing. Garfield set his own hand on top of hers. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she stared ahead, listened to the tranquil noises of this beach, felt all that Garfield was for herself. She breathed in and said in a quiet voice that felt nonetheless earth shattering, “Yeah, I feel that too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think! Leave a comment, a kudos, or talk to me @dykekoriandrs on tumblr <3


End file.
